I received an email today that made my heart soar! Jessica Duquette is back and has found a new blogging niche writing for Cape Cod Today - her local newspaper! Her new blog is called Think About It....and her first post is called Helping vs. Saving.
As always, it's filled with deep insights into what holds us back from making our dreams come true. Whether our dreams are to have a clutter-free office, a life we love, or to release our attachments to things that don't really want, but can't let go of -- underlying it all is fear and conflicting values, needs & priorities.
We want to have our cake and eat it too. We don't want to decide. We fear having to live the results of our decisions. We fear the discomfort of change.
As Jessica says in her new post:
"...in order to grow and to let go of the things in our lives that are holding us back from joy and freedom and connection-- be they physical, mental, emotional or spiritual-- we have to take full responsibility for our choices. THIS IS NOT EASY! In a way, it is easier to live in resentment and blame, turning the focus away from ourselves."
Letting go is a choice - a decision. But making the decision itself can sometimes be thousands of times more painful that actually letting go.
"...for those who suffer from the feeling of being completely overwhelmed and not knowing where to start, even a simple decision becomes crippling and the clutter piles up, contributing even more to the feeling of overwhelm and shame."
As coaches and organizers, we can't save people from themselves. What we can do is offer help. Be there for you, listen to you deeply, ask probing questions that allow you to sort through the mind chatter, the myriad of feelings and ultimately reach the clarity and peace of mind that enables you to make the decisions that must be made with much less pain and agony. Making a solid decision is the beginning of commitment. It's the first step to creating the drive and motivation that will propel you into action toward your goal.
That's how I can tell the diffierence between "helping" and "saving". When I'm helping - people begin to take action on their own...they can't help it! Their goal and path become clear. They know what they want, and they know how to get there.
When you try to "save" people, they are dependent. You are doing the work for them. You are telling them what to do, and they aren't doing it. There is much resistance and conflict.