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I am not sure who took this concept into the public light, but I have a post-it on my desk that says, "The first 
step to becoming debt-free is to release all emotional debt through forgiveness".
photo courtesy of gravitasart.com
That sure makes me think. OK, what kind of resentment am I holding on to and to whom? Of course, the first thing that comes up is that I have not forgiven myself, but that's too easy (not that it's not true). The challenge continues to be that I am not sure what it is that I am still holding on to that is blocking my path, sabotaging me from truly having what I want.
Last week, I had an amazing session with a client that was revolutionary for both of us. I had her tell me a spot in nature that she wanted to visit and she took me to an actual lake in the middle of Los Angeles! As we sat by the lake, I asked her what she was really committed to. Of course, she began by telling me all the things she wanted in her life. I explained to her that no, those are your wishes, your visions. Your true commitments are the things that you have in your life right now. What are they? She teared up as I left her inhaling the essential oil called Release and one called Believe as she wrote out on paper what her commitments actually were right then. When I came back a few minutes later, I asked her if she wanted to renew these commitments she had been so devoted to maintaining. She emphatically said NO with a look of relief and understanding on her face. Then I asked her to choose a new commitment, one that was so pure and so clear inside her that if it were challenged, it would stimulate an instantaneous course-correction response. I used the painful example of a commitment that I knew she has: to keep her son safe. If anyone ever challenged that commitment, it would stimulate an immediate response from her. No one can come near her son in a harmful way, she is THAT clear, that certain, that committed to his safety. I explained that is how pure and clear she needed to be about everything she was committed to in her life.
She got it. Really got it.
After we did this exercise for several areas: her marriage, her business, her Self, she was able to see how far away she had strayed from her vision of what she wanted. It brought up a lot of grief for her, grief for all the time she had wasted on the wrong commitments.
I believe that grief is a powerful and important step on the road to forgiveness, because, like any pain, long-suffered grief becomes an integral part of who we are, of the way we know ourselves to be. When we let go of that pain, there is a sense of loss, even though we are relieved to see it go. It's hard to live with the emptiness, but if we let it gently be, it diminishes quickly in the light of the joyful ability to see our way to forgiveness that arrives to fill the void.
This radiant woman called me the next day all excited because she felt a deep-level shift inside and wanted to let me know that she had begun tackling some of the things she had been avoiding for months, maybe even years.
I have learned a lot over my life about letting go, but that never makes it any easier when it comes right down to it, especially when you do it right. You'd think that the Universal Plan would be that if you walk with Grace, you automatically get a 'free pass' from pain and hurt. Uh-unh, not so. Maybe the pain is part of the path?
So, how does this story relate to debt? I knew you would ask me that...
The best I can figure is that when our emotions are 'spent' unwisely, in burning resentment, grieving endlessly, or playing the victim, we are squandering our personal resources on an energetic level. When we are not conscious of where one source of our energy goes out, we are probably are not tracking the other resources in our lives that are being wasted needlessly. Not only do we have trouble hanging on to the money we already have, but less and less comes our way.
I know that's kind of an esoteric explanation, but I am still working on how to lay it out. I am certainly interested in hearing what you all have to say, as I am still struggling with this issue on many levels.
That question echoes through me: where am I not forgiving myself?
This morning, I woke up early and went to reach for an essential oil called Transformation. This is a very powerful oil that you have to use with the utmost consciousness. Of course, half asleep, I was hardly in that space and I didn't notice that the reducer cap had stayed in the lid of the bottle. When I went to shake out a few drops in my palm, half the bottle splashed all over my hand, the floor, my feet. "Interesting...I am squandering my Transformation", I thought to myself and spent the next few minutes breathing in the flood of this catalytic aroma. Something's going on here, no doubt about it.
Hey, by the way, I haven't forgotten about you guys, I've been kind of incubating. More on that in my next post...
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((¸¸.·´ ..·´ Jessica -:¦:-
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