I was just reading a beautiful post over at Chaotic Mom (who unfortunately does not live in Hawaii). Chaotic Mom was talking about the resentment she feels toward a neighbor of hers, which motivated her to find a way to somehow counteract that negative chatter in her head. She realized that this woman has been 'renting space' in her mind for over a week rent-free and it had become intolerable. Boy, I sure know the feeling!
CM came up with the idea for 30 days of Peace, a challenge to herself to find something that would bring her joy in each day. A worthy effort!
Resentment. What a killer, in more ways than one. Those draining thoughts seethe and burn and fester inside you and literally make you sick in your body, soul, relationships and environment. I've come to realize that resentment for me is usually ignited by a situation or a person that reminds me of an unhealed event in the past that I have left unconfronted. Yuck.
I don't like that idea at all and usually would prefer to just bitch and moan about how the other person has wronged me, rather than looking at how I contributed to the situation. But... I am the innocent victim! THEY are the wrong-doer! This mindset does nothing to help me grow (by the way, I am talking about ME now, not Chaotic Mom). A few years ago, I made a commitment to myself to see resentment and self-righteousness as a doorway into self-exploration. It's not easy to keep up that commitment, I tell you, not at all! BUT, the expansion I get, the freedom I discover and the healed relationships make it worthwhile to plumb the depths of the ugly caves of my personality.
So...here is basically what I left as a comment for Chaotic Mom. I was talking to myself as much as to her, which is why I wrote this post.
...be careful not to slap a 'smiley face' on your resentment and drive it deeper in your body and soul.
Look deep, this could be about you, not her. (Not that what is happening is your 'fault', but that the lesson here is for you.)
What I do (and when I apply myself to this sincerely, it truly changes ME), is to see my neighbor as ME. For example, I write down in the middle of a post-it the three words I would use to describe the person I am resentful towards. The last time I did this it was 'harsh, critical and discounting'. Just above that, I write the words "how am I" or "where in my life am I". So, my post-it said, "Where in my life am I harsh and critical and discounting?"
I stuck it on my computer, so that way, I could see the person I resented as my teacher and I could become grateful to her, and, if I chose to, I could learn how to heal those wounded places inside myself that I needed to see. Talk about peace! I don't have resentment towards her anymore at all AND I am certainly more aware of those nasty traits I lean towards and am committed to attending to them when they rear their not-so-pretty heads.
Am I perfect at this? Of course not, it's just a strategy I use to keep myself in check. When I hear my voice go all strident and defensive, I know that's my cue that I have to look at myself. I've even tapped my friends assistance in pointing it out to me when I go there. This is NOT the easy path! This is the path I choose because I want pure joy and the only way (in my opinion) to experience pure joy is to take FULL responsibility for whatever happens in my life. And I mean WHATEVER.
let me know what you think...
¸.·´ .·´¨¨))
((¸¸.·´ ..·´ Jessica -:¦:-
