It's Not About Your Stuff

Think About It: Are you Helping or Saving?

I received an email today that made my heart soar!  Jessica Duquette is back and has found a new blogging niche writing for Cape Cod Today - her local newspaper!  Her new blog is called Think About It....and her first post is called Helping vs. Saving. 

As always, it's filled with deep insights into what holds us back from making our dreams come true.  Whether our dreams are to have a clutter-free office, a life we love, or to release our attachments to things that don't really want, but can't let go of -- underlying it all is fear and conflicting values, needs & priorities. 

We want to have our cake and eat it too.  We don't want to decide.  We fear having to live the results of our decisions.  We fear the discomfort of change.

As Jessica says in her new post:

"...in order to grow and to let go of the things in our lives that are holding us back from joy and freedom and connection-- be they physical, mental, emotional or spiritual-- we have to take full responsibility for our choices. THIS IS NOT EASY! In a way, it is easier to live in resentment and blame, turning the focus away from ourselves."

Letting go is a choice - a decision. But making the decision itself can sometimes be thousands of times more painful that actually letting go.

"...for those who suffer from the feeling of being completely overwhelmed and not knowing where to start, even a simple decision becomes crippling and the clutter piles up, contributing even more to the feeling of overwhelm and shame."

As coaches and organizers, we can't save people from themselves.  What we can do is offer help.  Be there for you, listen to you deeply, ask probing questions that allow you to sort through the mind chatter, the myriad of feelings and ultimately reach the clarity and peace of mind that enables you to make the decisions that must be made with much less pain and agony.  Making a solid decision is the beginning of commitment.  It's the first step to creating the drive and motivation that will propel you into action toward your goal. 

That's how I can tell the diffierence between "helping" and "saving".  When I'm helping - people begin to take action on their own...they can't help it!  Their goal and path become clear.  They know what they want, and they know how to get there.

When you try to "save" people, they are dependent.  You are doing the work for them.  You are telling them what to do, and they aren't doing it.   There is much resistance and conflict.

Jessica describes the difference brilliantly....read on and "think about it" !!

Change isn't Easy, But I Hope You'll Stick With Me! - A Message From Ariane

Dear Readers,

As you know, Jessica has handed over the reigns of this awesome blog to me.  It was a very quick decision to be made as the URL was about to expire on Nov. 15. So we had to make the changeover much more quickly and abruptly than we would have liked.  In the process, I had to quickly learn how to move the blog from Jessica's Typepad Account to mine.  It was a lot of time and work just figuring out the logistics.  I truly appreciate you bearing with us as formats changed, and links and photos broke.  It will take time to update the over 200 posts Jessica has given us, but at least we haven't lost the great body of content she created.

So now I'm writing the message I had hoped to write sooner.  You are probably wondering what my intentions are for the future this blog.  The answer is - I'm not completely certain yet! 

My number one intention was to NOT let this blog die and NOT lose all the brilliant and delightful content Jessica shared with us.  I'm going to miss her as much as you will!  But now that the blog is on my account, we have the option to have multiple authors - so Jessica can still contribute - without the burden of the administrative upkeep of the blog.

My current thinking about the future of the blog is to keep it's focus mainly on the deeper, more spiritual meanings of what it means when we keep too much stuff and have difficulty letting go of things that are causing us pain and stress. 

I am thinking of eventually having lots of guest posts focusing on articles that relate to how we use our time, how chronic disorganization affects the quality of our lives, how family issues with organizing and clutter can be resolved, how we can make peace with our stuff, and living with ADD &  ADHD affects our organizing style and needs, and lots more. 

I would love to hear what you would like the blog to be about, too, so please do leave a comment and let me know how you feel about the transition and what you would like to see more of on this blog as we evolve it over the next few months. 

Thank you again for your patience and understanding. 

There is no way I can replace Jessica's unique viewpoint, but as least we will still have her from time to time!. I hope you will stick with me as a reader and be pleasantly surprised with how the blog evolves!

I'm going to be on vacation till the end of the month...but I will be thinking of way to make this blog a valuable source of learning & exploration for you.

I wish you a wonderful Thanksgiving filled with many blessings to be thankful for!

Time for letting go... Time for new beginnings

Greetings, dear readers, thank you so much for all your support and well wishes over the last two years on this blog. We have been through a lot together!

It is with great sadness that I recently came to the decision to step away from writing this blog, but it is with great joy that I hand the reins over to the exceptionally capable and devoted professional organizer and organizing blogger, Ariane Benefit of www.NeatAndSimple.com. Ariane and I “met” a year and a half ago when she found my blog. We immediately recognized one another as sisters in spirit and I know that she will carry on the It’s Not About Your Stuff legacy with the same energy, adding her own flair.

My reason for putting down my pen, so to speak, is that in my new life on Cape Cod, I find myself with my hands full as manager of an elegant and fabulous high-end resort spa called Shui Spa at the amazing and welcoming Crowne Pointe Inn in Provincetown, MA (the very very very tip of Cape Cod!). If any of you want to come for a visit, please give me a call at the spa and let me know that you are a blog reader of mine and I will offer you a special treat! The number is 508-487-6767 x 525, ask for me.

I am also still offering organizing services in the Los Angeles and throughout the country with my fabulous team! See my website, In Perfect Order, for more info.

I wish you all the best in your journey of organizing and letting go in your life.

Remember, I am on your team!

..• ´¨¨))  -:¦:-
         ¸.•´ .•´¨¨))
       ((¸¸.•´  ..•´   jessica -:¦:-
     -:¦:-    ((¸¸.•´*

It's Not About Your Stuff! Has a New Host & Owner!

Initially created by Jessica Duquette of www.InPerfectOrder.com, It's Not About Your Stuff! has been transferred as of Nov 2007 to Ariane Benefit of www.NeatandSimple.com to keep the learning about the deeper nature of why we struggle with clutter alive.  Jessica has retired from blogging and is starting a new life on Cape Cod! 

We will miss her voice but hope to have Jessica back as a guest blogger whenever she feels like it!  Good Luck Jessica!  Thank you for all the soul searching and learning you shared with us. We won't forget you!

minding your own (small) business

Today I got some spam unsolicited email in my Inbox that actually was helpful. Since many of you own your own small business, this information may be of interest to you. It comes from The Tax Club newsletter, an affiliate of American Express Cardmember Services.

As you enter the Small Business world, you will quickly become aware of the importance of separating personal and business expenses to aid you with government and IRS regulations. It is imperative that you get a system in place to handle this separation and one facet of that system should entail getting a credit card which will be specifically devoted to tracking your business expenses.

Keeping Your Business Expenses Separate

As a business owner, the simplest and most effective way to minimize your tax liability is to make sure you document and record all transactions. Any tax due on business income is based upon net profit rather than gross income. What this means is that business owners pay tax on the remaining amount after subtracting business expenses from gross income. Proper recordkeeping is not only required by IRS regulations, but it can actually help you help you to make sure that you are accounting for all of your business expenses, therefore lowering your tax liability.

Never commingle your business & personal funds – You must always keep your personal and business funds separate. In order to get your business expenses deducted on your tax return, the burden of proof that the expenses were for your business lies with you. If your personal expenses and your business expenses are commingled, it will be difficult for you to identify which are for personal purposes and which are for business purposes. Often times, the IRS will deny any business expense that you deduct on your tax return if the funds commingled. If that occurs, you could be liable for tax on those disallowed expenses plus any interest and penalties.

Set up separate accounts for your business - It is very easy to maintain separate accounts for your business and personal use. Opening business checking accounts, savings accounts and credit cards will help you to establish completely separate and independent records for your business funds. This is incredibly important. Many small business credit cards also come with handy software, making it easy to track expenses and keep records for tax purposes. If the IRS were to inquire about your business expenses, it is your responsibility to show the proof that the expenses were used for business purposes.

Remember, I am on your team!

..• ´¨¨))  -:¦:-
         ¸.•´ .•´¨¨))
       ((¸¸.•´  ..•´   Jessica -:¦:-

     -:¦:-    ((¸¸.•´*

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Byron Katie asks is it true? In honor of 9/11

Byron Katie's The Work changed my life several years ago. Go here for Part 2 of this work with this beautiful Israeli girl.

More to come about me shortly...

Remember, I am on your team!

..• ´¨¨))  -:¦:-
         ¸.•´ .•´¨¨))
       ((¸¸.•´  ..•´   Jessica -:¦:- 

     -:¦:-    ((¸¸.•´*

Did you find this post helpful? You can easily get my blog posting updates automatically by email! Just click here to subscribe to the feed, and you won't have to keep checking back every day.

Moving Across Country:: where am I, how far am I along the moving process?

I am so honored at how you, my readers, have been so supportive of me in this wild and crazy time! Thanks for all your emails, they really do make a difference.

So, where am I and how far have I come? This information is intended to help others who are moving across country, not to mention to satisfy everyone who is curious. How does an organizer make a big move?

Here's what I have done and what I have left to do:

• I contracted with a wonderful moving company to move my mattress & boxspring, a few lamps, rugs and about 40 boxes from LA to Cape Cod on the recommendation of a friend of my neighbor. They came to my house within 48 hours of contacting them and gave me what's called a binding estimate. This means that we both have signed an agreement that whatever price they quoted me, that's the price I pay. Period. I was told to make sure that I did this, as unfortunately, many moving companies are not very honest and can pull a 'bait and switch', quoting you one price over the phone and then on the day of the move, adding all kinds of upcharges. I heard some pretty bad horror stories so I was grateful to find a company that was local (as well as national) who would come and set the price. The company I hired gave me a price that was almost $600.00 cheaper than any other quote! Their name is Air1 Moving & Storage. If you live in the L.A. area, call 818-515-5666 and ask for Sam. I will keep you posted on how the move goes.

• RESOURCE: a great article on what kind of estimate you should ask for when planning a move. (from about.com:moving---an AMAZING resource!)
  
• I realized that I am way too emotionally connected (not the same as being emotionally attached!) to the things I want to sell and so I put out a post on Craigslist to find someone who would come and take the photos, craft the ads and ship or disburse my stuff. I got about 3 responses and someone is coming tomorrow to make it happen! Yahoo. Whatever percentage they take, it will be worth it so I don't have to hassle with all that right now. I will just get a check and the stuff will be GONE before I leave. ahhhhh. The joys of delegation.

What am I selling? A vintage armoire (given to me years ago by a client), my gorgeous Indonesian headboard/platform bed for a queen size bed, my almost new L-shaped desk, two long display tables from Nordstrom's (a friend convinced me to buy them last year but I have never used them!), a ceramic water purifier (I am so sad to see this one go!) The rest of my stuff that I want to let go of, I will be relegating to my 'yard sale'.

• I bought some FOR SALE signs today and will be hanging them in my car tomorrow. My car is in excellent condition, I was meticulous about maintaining it, so I shouldn't have any problem getting what I am asking for it. I plan to use the money left after paying off my car loan as a deposit for a new car. I have my eye on a gorgeous (possibly new!) Subaru Forester. I decided that adding 3,000+ miles to my car by driving it across country didn't make much sense, and the quotes I got for auto transport were way out of my budget. Besides, who doesn't want a new car? By the way, I found out that there is an alternative fuel club on Cape Cod, so I may be getting some kind of a diesel vehicle and making the conversion to french fry oil!

• RESOURCE: Thanks to my blog buddy Jody Devere of AskPatty.com, I found a fantastic 5 part series of blog posts on the website for women and cars about the best way to sell a car. Here are the links, if you want some great tips!

Part 1:

http://askpatty.typepad.com/ask_patty_/2007/03/selling_your_ca.html

Part 2: 

http://askpatty.typepad.com/ask_patty_/2007/03/selling_your_ca_1.html

Part 3:

http://askpatty.typepad.com/ask_patty_/2007/04/selling_your_ca.html

Part 4:

http://askpatty.typepad.com/ask_patty_/2007/04/selling_your_ca_1.html

Part 5:

http://askpatty.typepad.com/ask_patty_/2007/04/selling_your_ca_2.html

• I called Verizon today and made arrangements to close my FIOS TV and internet accounts (yes, I have FIOS--fiber optic service, and yes, I LOVE IT!). I spoke to the representative about my choices for keeping my phone number (which I use for business) and just forwarding it to my cell. I am lucky because I have housemates and there are 4 lines coming into the house so it won't be a problem to keep my phone number here. I won't have a phone set plugged in, so it won't bother anyone, and I will simply use the call forwarding feature when I am ready to go. The basic phone service + call forwarding is less than $30/month. Not too bad.
• I decided that unless I am going straight from the plane to my new home, I won't be bringing my cat with me this time, it is just too disruptive for her. I took her to the vet to be checked out and to see what my options are for making her comfortable on the plane. The vet gave me an herbal remedy and some tranquilizers for her. I am hoping my friend and housemate Karenina (who has generously offered to care for my cat until I get settled) will come visit me in the fall and she can bring Rumi with her! It turns out you can take a cat on the plane with a small underseat carrier, and it just so happens I have one that a client was getting rid of a few years ago! On Southwest, you need to make a reservation for your underseat animal and it costs $80.00.

• On the recommendation of several of my readers, I called a local auction house, Bonham & Butterfield's about appraising some of the art pieces that I inherited from my mother. I have no idea if they are of value, but I am curious. Luckily, next week they are having their monthly open house valuation day and my friend will be bringing them for me to see if they are worth consigning. I thought of hiring a private appraiser but the cost is quite high and then you have to sell them yourself anyway. At the appraisal day at the auction house, they have several experts there who will value your artwork at no charge and then you can decide on the spot whether you want to consign the pieces or not. I liked that option as it makes things easy for me!

So, what's left to do? Finish packing my artwork (the pieces that I am keeping) and the rest of my clothes, go through all my photos and old letters (I already did this about 3 years ago, but I am happy to do it again! My goal is to whittle down from 4 plastic bins to one or two.) Then all I will need to do is to inventory and then seal up the remaining boxes and I am good to go!

Wow. I am really leaving.

Remember, I am on your team!

..• ´¨¨))  -:¦:-
         ¸.•´ .•´¨¨))
       ((¸¸.•´  ..•´   Jessica -:¦:- 

     -:¦:-    ((¸¸.•´*

Michael Moore's 'Sicko Night In America' Contest

Hey, everyone, I am back from my trip to Cape Cod! It was definitely a mixed bag, but more on that later. Right now, I want to tell you quick about an offer that Michael Moore has made to all his fans in the US and Canada. If you haven't seen his movie 'Sicko', (see my previous post on this engaging movie here) I strongly recommend it, and as an added incentive to drop everything and run to the theater, Michael Moore has made us an offer we can't refuse in the form of a sweepstakes contest! Here's the deal straight from his newsletter:

To show my thanks to all of you who'll go see "Sicko" this weekend, (July 20-22) [I am] going to send one of you and a guest on a free weekend to the universal health care country of your choice! That's right. You'll get to pick one of the three industrialized countries featured in the movie where, if you get sick, you get help for free, no matter who you are. All you have to do is send us your ticket stub (make sure it says "Sicko" on it and has the name of the theater and this weekend's date on it -- Friday, Saturday or Sunday - July 20th, 21st, 22nd). Attach the stub to a piece of paper with your name, address, phone number and email and send it to: 'Sicko' Night in America, 888c 8th Avenue, Suite 443, New York, NY 10019. (Yes, you have to use that old 18th century device called the U.S. Postal Service, and it has to be postmarked on or by Tuesday, July 24th). First prize is a weekend in the city of your choice: Paris, London or Toronto. This includes airfare, hotel, meals and, most exciting, a representative from their fine universal health care system who will give you a personal tour so you can see how they treat their fellow citizens. You'll meet people who pay nothing for college and citizens who are in the fourth week of their six-week paid vacation. Oh, and you'll have time to see the Eiffel Tower, Big Ben or whatever they have in Toronto that is old and tall. (If you don't have a passport, we'll pay for that, too!)

So, here's the site for theater listings for Sicko, now there's no reason NOT to go!

Remember, I am on your team!

..• ´¨¨))  -:¦:-
         ¸.•´ .•´¨¨))
       ((¸¸.•´  ..•´   Jessica -:¦:-

     -:¦:-    ((¸¸.•´*

Moving Across Country:: I am so embarrassed, frustrated, overwhelmed. Can you relate?

This weekend is some of my last days that I have to get everything packed and organized and ready to move. My room looks like a tornado swept through it and I am having a difficult time focusing because of my emotions.

It seems I get bursts of energy to organize and I make great headway for a few hours before losing steam. The best strategy I've found so far is to set myself a finite task (such as wrap all my chotchkies in bubble wrap and carefully pack them in a box). Yes, I do have knicknacks, gew gaws, trinkets, but not many! Carefully selected! Edited! Refined to be only the ones I adore. This was my criteria this time: do I adore it? Then I turn on the TV to my favorite show: old Clean House episodes or an old movie on TCM and the time passes quickly. (a friend suggested last night that I scroll through all the movies and DVR the ones I want to watch so I had a great line-up today!)

In truth, even though everything is topsy-turvy right now, I recognize that it's more emotional than anything else; I am dismantling my energetic field, the place I have called home for the last five years. And even though I have not one iota of regret about leaving, because I have moved so many times in my life, the feelings are coming up to meet me and it makes me want to whine and avoid and distract myself with anything else (like writing a blog post!)

UPDATE: I just spent the entire day packing, rearranging, purging (I've actually already done most of that, but there always seem to be a few more things I can let go of) and wrapping a zillion little things in bubble wrap. On one level it feels like a relief because I way exceeded my goals for the day, but on the other hand, I feel so raw and vulnerable right now, like I am untethered from my mooring. I am neither here nor there, and that is always strange and uneasy for me.

I am clear that I am to leave LA now, but I have no idea what the future holds for me where I am going. Sometimes, it's really obvious that I am doing the right thing by moving to the Cape, but then I get scared and think 'what the heck am I doing?' Staying is not an option, but going somewhere blind just seems crazy in a certain light. The thing is, there's no alternative place to go that has made itself apparent, so I am left with no choice but to surrender and trust. Or live contracted and fearful. (NOT an option!)

I was told years ago by the fabulous astrologer Gretchen Lawlor that I am someone who is moved in 7 year cycles. It's like the cycle moves me, rather than me being in control. It's not the same as feeling the victim, it's more like hearing an inner prompting and going with it. (even though in a way, it feels like I don't have a choice!)

So, Cape Cod it is, my next step. The thought of being within breathing distance of Cape Cod Bay/Nantucket Sound fills my DNA with delight. The cold and salty Atlantic water is my home.

So stay tuned for tales of my exciting adventures! I am off for a quick visit to the Cape this coming week to interview with two fabulous job possibilities. As I see it, I can't lose. That's a good place to be.

Thanks for being on my team!

Remember, I am on your team!

..• ´¨¨))  -:¦:-
         ¸.•´ .•´¨¨))
       ((¸¸.•´  ..•´   Jessica -:¦:- 

     -:¦:-    ((¸¸.•´*

Do you know about Gold Star Events?

Do you love to go to fun events in the city you live in? I am moving across country and so will really appreciate getting an email of some of the cultural events in my new region. I am a very social person, and so enjoy meeting new people in my area. You never know, once you put yourself out there, where the journey will take you. That's what I loved about networking for my business. I met incredible people, collaborated with many of them, and was offered great opportunities like my radio show, which never would have happened if I hadn't put myself out there in the world.

I love to go to interesting events and so I have been signed up with several social groups here in L.A. As you know, I will be moving next month to Cape Cod, and will be looking for things to do and people to meet once I get there.

As of right now, there is nothing specifically for Cape Cod, but in most of the major U.S. cities, GoldStarEvents is a fabulous resource for fun and entertainment. It costs nothing to join, you just have to register and then once you type in your zip code(s), you will get a weekly email with all kinds of events and usually great discounts for tickets. In my new home, I might have to travel to Boston every so often, but that's ok with me. I am adventurous!

From the GoldStarEvents emails, I have seen many plays, music concerts, even movies at sometimes less than 50% of the ticket price! Ballet, comedy, concerts, musicals, first run movies...whatever you like, check with GoldStarEvents before you actually buy your ticket at the box office, many times you can find it cheaper there!

As an example, there is a fantastic theater right here in Topanga Canyon called Will Geer's Theatricum Botanicum (remember him from the old days?), known for it's Shakespeare amphitheater. They also do 20th century comedies and this summer, they are doing Noel Coward's Blithe Spirit. Get a ticket from the box office and it's gonna set you back twenty five smackers, on GoldStarEvents, only $12.50!

Another great source of fun events for people of all ages is MyPeopleConnection. I have been a member in Los Angeles (free!) for several years and have really watched it grow. In this group, volunteer event coordinators ferret out the fun stuff to do in your area and put together a group outing, often with special treatment such as discount tickets, exclusive tours or first rate seating. Each week, you get an email that lists the coming events, that can be anything from a girl's pyjama party brunch to a visit to the wild feline sanctuary to roller blading by the beach. It's a great way to meet people! There is no extra charge for events, but if you become a member ($25/yr), you get first dibs on registering for events. There are also some great members-only parties that always sounded like fun. Here's a link to their FAQs.

What I like about both these resources is that there is no pressure. They are not singles events, everyone is welcome, regardless of your age, sex, marital status, etc.

One more resource (I couldn't resist) is Meetup.com. Do you know about this? It is an amazing website. Check it out, you can either find people in your area who have similar interests, or for about $15/month you can list your own event to draw others of common mind. They even have meetings and events listed in Canada, Australia and about 3 dozen other countries!

So if you are looking for something fun to do, check them out!

Remember, I am on your team!

..• ´¨¨))  -:¦:-
         ¸.•´ .•´¨¨))
       ((¸¸.•´  ..•´   Jessica -:¦:- 

     -:¦:-    ((¸¸.•´*