It's Not About Your Stuff

Getting Unstuck and Moving on!

Letter to the dear readers of this blog,

What to do with this blog has been on my mind for over a year ever since Jessica Duquette gave it to me. I've gone through many many iterations of starategies for this blog, but the bottome line for me is that having too many blogs is simply NOT an effective way to simplify my own life!

I also have found that in my three years of blogging, the interaction that I'd hoped for, was just not happening. In January 2009, along with two other wonderful coaches, I created a coaching group/community called Getting Unstuck.

It has been such a wonderfully gratifying experience to be able to connect more intimately with people from all over the world, and support each other in overcoming the challenges of clutter, disorganization, health, energy, career and family, that I have made this community my number one priority. 

Over the past six months, we have developed an awesome collection of educational workshops, learning resources, teleclass recordings, blogs, photos, forum discussion and most of all AUTHENTIC connection with no pressure and no judgements. 

The healing energy of this group and the growing self-acceptance of the members is incredibly powerful.  Click here to learn more the Getting Unstuck Coaching Group for women over 35!  We do have a focus on ADHD but also have many members that don't have ADHD but share some ADHD-like traits.

If you struggle and feel alone and misunderstood with your clutter and disorganization issues, this is a completely unique group worth exploring!  Even if you have never really connected with forums (I'm one of those people too!)  I designed this to be the kind of forum where people are inspired, sensitive and always encouraging. 

If you are ready to try something really different, I look forward to meeting you there!

Wishing you many blessings and much love and compassion,

Organizing Tips For Staying Focused, Managing Time, Organizing Your Computer, Letting Go of Clutter, & Making Life Easier

A professional organizer’s quick tips for staying on track

By Jessica Duquette

Managing your minutes

the only three things you can do with time are sell it, savor it or squander it.

• Avoid checking email first thing in the morning, the distraction throws off the rhythm of the whole day. Instead cross off two or three of your more urgent action items and then get to your email.
• Create a quick action plan for the day on a large post-it, and prioritize by what is most important and urgent to get done and do those first.
• Important things are not always urgent and urgent things are not always important. Learn to evaluate in the moment whether or not you can afford to commit to a project or action before choosing to do so. If you have conflicting feelings and someone else is waiting for your response, let them know that you will get back to them in a specified period of time.
• Brain Dump. Write everything you need to remember on a piece of paper to clear your mind and allow the space for critical thinking. This paper should always be disposable!

Managing your mind 

the hand that’s open to let go is the hand that’s open to receive.

• Schedule a time to clean out your purse and your car. It will always make you feel better about yourself and help you think more clearly.
• Allow yourself to purposely let go of things that you feel like you are attached to. Discover what the emotions are behind the grasping and really nurture yourself on that level. Grieving a past time in your life, such as when your kids were babies, or when your parents were alive or when you were 30 pounds thinner or 20 years younger? Afraid that you will not have or be enough? Ashamed that people will discover that you are a fraud? None of these feelings are about the things you are holding on to. Clutter is NEVER about the “stuff”, it’s always about you and clutter always has the result of keeping what you want away. (please reread that 3 times till it really sinks in)
• If an item reminds you of someone, you can take the memory and implant it in your body. Try breathing in the memory of your grandmother or your daughter when she was a baby, breathe every last bit of the essence of the person from the item and then see what happens!
• Honestly evaluate the places in your life where resentment, blame and acting the victim are stealing your joy, your energy and your vitality. Determine if holding on to these toxic feelings are serving you and forgive…yourself, the situation, the other person. Keep in mind, forgiving someone is not the same as condoning unacceptable behavior.
• Notice how your clutter is screaming at you. What would it be saying if you could actually hear it? What are you saying to the world, including the people that you live with, by keeping the clutter? This step takes a lot of courage to face.

Think About It: Are you Helping or Saving?

I received an email today that made my heart soar!  Jessica Duquette is back and has found a new blogging niche writing for Cape Cod Today - her local newspaper!  Her new blog is called Think About It....and her first post is called Helping vs. Saving. 

As always, it's filled with deep insights into what holds us back from making our dreams come true.  Whether our dreams are to have a clutter-free office, a life we love, or to release our attachments to things that don't really want, but can't let go of -- underlying it all is fear and conflicting values, needs & priorities. 

We want to have our cake and eat it too.  We don't want to decide.  We fear having to live the results of our decisions.  We fear the discomfort of change.

As Jessica says in her new post:

"...in order to grow and to let go of the things in our lives that are holding us back from joy and freedom and connection-- be they physical, mental, emotional or spiritual-- we have to take full responsibility for our choices. THIS IS NOT EASY! In a way, it is easier to live in resentment and blame, turning the focus away from ourselves."

Letting go is a choice - a decision. But making the decision itself can sometimes be thousands of times more painful that actually letting go.

"...for those who suffer from the feeling of being completely overwhelmed and not knowing where to start, even a simple decision becomes crippling and the clutter piles up, contributing even more to the feeling of overwhelm and shame."

As coaches and organizers, we can't save people from themselves.  What we can do is offer help.  Be there for you, listen to you deeply, ask probing questions that allow you to sort through the mind chatter, the myriad of feelings and ultimately reach the clarity and peace of mind that enables you to make the decisions that must be made with much less pain and agony.  Making a solid decision is the beginning of commitment.  It's the first step to creating the drive and motivation that will propel you into action toward your goal. 

That's how I can tell the diffierence between "helping" and "saving".  When I'm helping - people begin to take action on their own...they can't help it!  Their goal and path become clear.  They know what they want, and they know how to get there.

When you try to "save" people, they are dependent.  You are doing the work for them.  You are telling them what to do, and they aren't doing it.   There is much resistance and conflict.

Jessica describes the difference brilliantly....read on and "think about it" !!

Change isn't Easy, But I Hope You'll Stick With Me! - A Message From Ariane

Dear Readers,

As you know, Jessica has handed over the reigns of this awesome blog to me.  It was a very quick decision to be made as the URL was about to expire on Nov. 15. So we had to make the changeover much more quickly and abruptly than we would have liked.  In the process, I had to quickly learn how to move the blog from Jessica's Typepad Account to mine.  It was a lot of time and work just figuring out the logistics.  I truly appreciate you bearing with us as formats changed, and links and photos broke.  It will take time to update the over 200 posts Jessica has given us, but at least we haven't lost the great body of content she created.

So now I'm writing the message I had hoped to write sooner.  You are probably wondering what my intentions are for the future this blog.  The answer is - I'm not completely certain yet! 

My number one intention was to NOT let this blog die and NOT lose all the brilliant and delightful content Jessica shared with us.  I'm going to miss her as much as you will!  But now that the blog is on my account, we have the option to have multiple authors - so Jessica can still contribute - without the burden of the administrative upkeep of the blog.

My current thinking about the future of the blog is to keep it's focus mainly on the deeper, more spiritual meanings of what it means when we keep too much stuff and have difficulty letting go of things that are causing us pain and stress. 

I am thinking of eventually having lots of guest posts focusing on articles that relate to how we use our time, how chronic disorganization affects the quality of our lives, how family issues with organizing and clutter can be resolved, how we can make peace with our stuff, and living with ADD &  ADHD affects our organizing style and needs, and lots more. 

I would love to hear what you would like the blog to be about, too, so please do leave a comment and let me know how you feel about the transition and what you would like to see more of on this blog as we evolve it over the next few months. 

Thank you again for your patience and understanding. 

There is no way I can replace Jessica's unique viewpoint, but as least we will still have her from time to time!. I hope you will stick with me as a reader and be pleasantly surprised with how the blog evolves!

I'm going to be on vacation till the end of the month...but I will be thinking of way to make this blog a valuable source of learning & exploration for you.

I wish you a wonderful Thanksgiving filled with many blessings to be thankful for!

Time for letting go... Time for new beginnings

Greetings, dear readers, thank you so much for all your support and well wishes over the last two years on this blog. We have been through a lot together!

It is with great sadness that I recently came to the decision to step away from writing this blog, but it is with great joy that I hand the reins over to the exceptionally capable and devoted professional organizer and organizing blogger, Ariane Benefit of www.NeatAndSimple.com. Ariane and I “met” a year and a half ago when she found my blog. We immediately recognized one another as sisters in spirit and I know that she will carry on the It’s Not About Your Stuff legacy with the same energy, adding her own flair.

My reason for putting down my pen, so to speak, is that in my new life on Cape Cod, I find myself with my hands full as manager of an elegant and fabulous high-end resort spa called Shui Spa at the amazing and welcoming Crowne Pointe Inn in Provincetown, MA (the very very very tip of Cape Cod!). If any of you want to come for a visit, please give me a call at the spa and let me know that you are a blog reader of mine and I will offer you a special treat! The number is 508-487-6767 x 525, ask for me.

I am also still offering organizing services in the Los Angeles and throughout the country with my fabulous team! See my website, In Perfect Order, for more info.

I wish you all the best in your journey of organizing and letting go in your life.

Remember, I am on your team!

..• ´¨¨))  -:¦:-
         ¸.•´ .•´¨¨))
       ((¸¸.•´  ..•´   jessica -:¦:-
     -:¦:-    ((¸¸.•´*

It's Not About Your Stuff! Has a New Host & Owner!

Initially created by Jessica Duquette of www.InPerfectOrder.com, It's Not About Your Stuff! has been transferred as of Nov 2007 to Ariane Benefit of www.NeatandSimple.com to keep the learning about the deeper nature of why we struggle with clutter alive.  Jessica has retired from blogging and is starting a new life on Cape Cod! 

We will miss her voice but hope to have Jessica back as a guest blogger whenever she feels like it!  Good Luck Jessica!  Thank you for all the soul searching and learning you shared with us. We won't forget you!

minding your own (small) business

Today I got some spam unsolicited email in my Inbox that actually was helpful. Since many of you own your own small business, this information may be of interest to you. It comes from The Tax Club newsletter, an affiliate of American Express Cardmember Services.

As you enter the Small Business world, you will quickly become aware of the importance of separating personal and business expenses to aid you with government and IRS regulations. It is imperative that you get a system in place to handle this separation and one facet of that system should entail getting a credit card which will be specifically devoted to tracking your business expenses.

Keeping Your Business Expenses Separate

As a business owner, the simplest and most effective way to minimize your tax liability is to make sure you document and record all transactions. Any tax due on business income is based upon net profit rather than gross income. What this means is that business owners pay tax on the remaining amount after subtracting business expenses from gross income. Proper recordkeeping is not only required by IRS regulations, but it can actually help you help you to make sure that you are accounting for all of your business expenses, therefore lowering your tax liability.

Never commingle your business & personal funds – You must always keep your personal and business funds separate. In order to get your business expenses deducted on your tax return, the burden of proof that the expenses were for your business lies with you. If your personal expenses and your business expenses are commingled, it will be difficult for you to identify which are for personal purposes and which are for business purposes. Often times, the IRS will deny any business expense that you deduct on your tax return if the funds commingled. If that occurs, you could be liable for tax on those disallowed expenses plus any interest and penalties.

Set up separate accounts for your business - It is very easy to maintain separate accounts for your business and personal use. Opening business checking accounts, savings accounts and credit cards will help you to establish completely separate and independent records for your business funds. This is incredibly important. Many small business credit cards also come with handy software, making it easy to track expenses and keep records for tax purposes. If the IRS were to inquire about your business expenses, it is your responsibility to show the proof that the expenses were used for business purposes.

Remember, I am on your team!

..• ´¨¨))  -:¦:-
         ¸.•´ .•´¨¨))
       ((¸¸.•´  ..•´   Jessica -:¦:-

     -:¦:-    ((¸¸.•´*

Michael Moore's 'Sicko Night In America' Contest

Hey, everyone, I am back from my trip to Cape Cod! It was definitely a mixed bag, but more on that later. Right now, I want to tell you quick about an offer that Michael Moore has made to all his fans in the US and Canada. If you haven't seen his movie 'Sicko', (see my previous post on this engaging movie here) I strongly recommend it, and as an added incentive to drop everything and run to the theater, Michael Moore has made us an offer we can't refuse in the form of a sweepstakes contest! Here's the deal straight from his newsletter:

To show my thanks to all of you who'll go see "Sicko" this weekend, (July 20-22) [I am] going to send one of you and a guest on a free weekend to the universal health care country of your choice! That's right. You'll get to pick one of the three industrialized countries featured in the movie where, if you get sick, you get help for free, no matter who you are. All you have to do is send us your ticket stub (make sure it says "Sicko" on it and has the name of the theater and this weekend's date on it -- Friday, Saturday or Sunday - July 20th, 21st, 22nd). Attach the stub to a piece of paper with your name, address, phone number and email and send it to: 'Sicko' Night in America, 888c 8th Avenue, Suite 443, New York, NY 10019. (Yes, you have to use that old 18th century device called the U.S. Postal Service, and it has to be postmarked on or by Tuesday, July 24th). First prize is a weekend in the city of your choice: Paris, London or Toronto. This includes airfare, hotel, meals and, most exciting, a representative from their fine universal health care system who will give you a personal tour so you can see how they treat their fellow citizens. You'll meet people who pay nothing for college and citizens who are in the fourth week of their six-week paid vacation. Oh, and you'll have time to see the Eiffel Tower, Big Ben or whatever they have in Toronto that is old and tall. (If you don't have a passport, we'll pay for that, too!)

So, here's the site for theater listings for Sicko, now there's no reason NOT to go!

Remember, I am on your team!

..• ´¨¨))  -:¦:-
         ¸.•´ .•´¨¨))
       ((¸¸.•´  ..•´   Jessica -:¦:-

     -:¦:-    ((¸¸.•´*

Moving Across Country:: I am so embarrassed, frustrated, overwhelmed. Can you relate?

This weekend is some of my last days that I have to get everything packed and organized and ready to move. My room looks like a tornado swept through it and I am having a difficult time focusing because of my emotions.

It seems I get bursts of energy to organize and I make great headway for a few hours before losing steam. The best strategy I've found so far is to set myself a finite task (such as wrap all my chotchkies in bubble wrap and carefully pack them in a box). Yes, I do have knicknacks, gew gaws, trinkets, but not many! Carefully selected! Edited! Refined to be only the ones I adore. This was my criteria this time: do I adore it? Then I turn on the TV to my favorite show: old Clean House episodes or an old movie on TCM and the time passes quickly. (a friend suggested last night that I scroll through all the movies and DVR the ones I want to watch so I had a great line-up today!)

In truth, even though everything is topsy-turvy right now, I recognize that it's more emotional than anything else; I am dismantling my energetic field, the place I have called home for the last five years. And even though I have not one iota of regret about leaving, because I have moved so many times in my life, the feelings are coming up to meet me and it makes me want to whine and avoid and distract myself with anything else (like writing a blog post!)

UPDATE: I just spent the entire day packing, rearranging, purging (I've actually already done most of that, but there always seem to be a few more things I can let go of) and wrapping a zillion little things in bubble wrap. On one level it feels like a relief because I way exceeded my goals for the day, but on the other hand, I feel so raw and vulnerable right now, like I am untethered from my mooring. I am neither here nor there, and that is always strange and uneasy for me.

I am clear that I am to leave LA now, but I have no idea what the future holds for me where I am going. Sometimes, it's really obvious that I am doing the right thing by moving to the Cape, but then I get scared and think 'what the heck am I doing?' Staying is not an option, but going somewhere blind just seems crazy in a certain light. The thing is, there's no alternative place to go that has made itself apparent, so I am left with no choice but to surrender and trust. Or live contracted and fearful. (NOT an option!)

I was told years ago by the fabulous astrologer Gretchen Lawlor that I am someone who is moved in 7 year cycles. It's like the cycle moves me, rather than me being in control. It's not the same as feeling the victim, it's more like hearing an inner prompting and going with it. (even though in a way, it feels like I don't have a choice!)

So, Cape Cod it is, my next step. The thought of being within breathing distance of Cape Cod Bay/Nantucket Sound fills my DNA with delight. The cold and salty Atlantic water is my home.

So stay tuned for tales of my exciting adventures! I am off for a quick visit to the Cape this coming week to interview with two fabulous job possibilities. As I see it, I can't lose. That's a good place to be.

Thanks for being on my team!

Remember, I am on your team!

..• ´¨¨))  -:¦:-
         ¸.•´ .•´¨¨))
       ((¸¸.•´  ..•´   Jessica -:¦:- 

     -:¦:-    ((¸¸.•´*

Do you know about Gold Star Events?

Do you love to go to fun events in the city you live in? I am moving across country and so will really appreciate getting an email of some of the cultural events in my new region. I am a very social person, and so enjoy meeting new people in my area. You never know, once you put yourself out there, where the journey will take you. That's what I loved about networking for my business. I met incredible people, collaborated with many of them, and was offered great opportunities like my radio show, which never would have happened if I hadn't put myself out there in the world.

I love to go to interesting events and so I have been signed up with several social groups here in L.A. As you know, I will be moving next month to Cape Cod, and will be looking for things to do and people to meet once I get there.

As of right now, there is nothing specifically for Cape Cod, but in most of the major U.S. cities, GoldStarEvents is a fabulous resource for fun and entertainment. It costs nothing to join, you just have to register and then once you type in your zip code(s), you will get a weekly email with all kinds of events and usually great discounts for tickets. In my new home, I might have to travel to Boston every so often, but that's ok with me. I am adventurous!

From the GoldStarEvents emails, I have seen many plays, music concerts, even movies at sometimes less than 50% of the ticket price! Ballet, comedy, concerts, musicals, first run movies...whatever you like, check with GoldStarEvents before you actually buy your ticket at the box office, many times you can find it cheaper there!

As an example, there is a fantastic theater right here in Topanga Canyon called Will Geer's Theatricum Botanicum (remember him from the old days?), known for it's Shakespeare amphitheater. They also do 20th century comedies and this summer, they are doing Noel Coward's Blithe Spirit. Get a ticket from the box office and it's gonna set you back twenty five smackers, on GoldStarEvents, only $12.50!

Another great source of fun events for people of all ages is MyPeopleConnection. I have been a member in Los Angeles (free!) for several years and have really watched it grow. In this group, volunteer event coordinators ferret out the fun stuff to do in your area and put together a group outing, often with special treatment such as discount tickets, exclusive tours or first rate seating. Each week, you get an email that lists the coming events, that can be anything from a girl's pyjama party brunch to a visit to the wild feline sanctuary to roller blading by the beach. It's a great way to meet people! There is no extra charge for events, but if you become a member ($25/yr), you get first dibs on registering for events. There are also some great members-only parties that always sounded like fun. Here's a link to their FAQs.

What I like about both these resources is that there is no pressure. They are not singles events, everyone is welcome, regardless of your age, sex, marital status, etc.

One more resource (I couldn't resist) is Meetup.com. Do you know about this? It is an amazing website. Check it out, you can either find people in your area who have similar interests, or for about $15/month you can list your own event to draw others of common mind. They even have meetings and events listed in Canada, Australia and about 3 dozen other countries!

So if you are looking for something fun to do, check them out!

Remember, I am on your team!

..• ´¨¨))  -:¦:-
         ¸.•´ .•´¨¨))
       ((¸¸.•´  ..•´   Jessica -:¦:- 

     -:¦:-    ((¸¸.•´*